Age: 34
Relationship Status: Single.
Occupation: Newspaper Editor.
Income: $35,000.
Astrological Sign: Sagittarius.
What is your first thought every morning?
To take my medicine before I forget and to put fresh sugar water out for the hummingbirds.
What is something you do solely for you?
Read and organize stuff repeatedly. It stops my head from feeling like someone is crocheting the inside of my brain - that sounds really weird (lol).
What is something you dread?
The anxiety that comes with being asked to repeat myself because it makes me feel like I didn’t say the right thing. It’s definitely an insecurity thing, and I hate it.
What is something you are looking forward to?
Reading the third book in the Fourth Wing series.
When do you feel most accomplished?
When I have a conversation with someone and learn something new or have gained a new perspective.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
Buying brand new books. I’m an avid reader and used to order books brand new automatically… it’s so much cheaper to buy them second-hand, and I love a good, pre-loved book. It’s almost like I’m experiencing a new world/opinion in a book that someone else has before me. I especially love it when they leave a bookmark or notes in it. Kind of gives you a different perspective. I actually keep all of the bookmarks that I find in used books, and I’m going to create a collage of them one day.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Financially speaking: Adding GAP insurance when purchasing a vehicle. (research it first though to make sure it’s right for you). Oh, and good quality rugs, pillows and sheets!! So worth it!
Emotionally: journaling… and by journaling, I mean that every day, I make myself write down one word on how I feel upon waking up, and I do the same right before I go to bed. It helps to track my emotional regulation, and I note if anything specific happened that day. It also helps my therapist (lol).
Time/energy wise: For the love of God, please enforce boundaries in friendships and family relationships. For far too long, I expected the effort I gave, and resentment grew on my end when I felt gypped. People show you who they are, and it’s your responsibility to either accept it or disengage yourself from that relationship. It took me YEARS to realize this, and it's much easier said than done, but it’s worth your mental health.
When do you feel most creative?
When I’m going through the trenches in an emotional way. I feel like a failure in my life most of the time, and I want so badly to be good at anything. That has turned me into a serial hobby do-er. I always have 4 to 5 unfinished crafts or new hobbies at any given moment. If I’m not good right away, I figure that if I just think of something that makes me sad/angry and start a new hobby, maybe I will be good at it because that’s when I am at my peak creativity. I’m trying to stop doing that, though, because I’ve noticed it just keeps me perpetually depressed.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
I compare myself to my father a lot. He used to tell me I have his family line freckles. I hate it when someone compliments me on my freckles.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
For always asking questions and doing my research… on anything and everything.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
That I will feel content and find peace. It’s been a really long time since I’ve laid in bed after a really long day, and have just felt comfortable and cozy.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
That not every action deserves a strong reaction.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
When my dog started showing signs of trust and love. She’s 14 now, but I adopted her when she was about four. I remember seeing her and thinking that she had the eyes of a one-year-old puppy, but the teeth of a 10-year-old. She deserved and needed a fair chance at unconditional love, and I was so happy that she trusted me to provide her with that. I always joke that if she passes before I do, I’m taking a permanent dirt nap with her.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
TRIGGER WARNING…
I was r**** four years ago, and while I’m NOT thankful for it, it did flip a switch inside of me that allowed me to let go of chasing after the ‘perfect’ partner/filling a void. I sincerely apologize if any of this comes across as insensitive, and this is just my own personal experience. For the longest time, I was petrified of being alone and used to jump from one toxic relationship to another. I saw my angry/reactive father in a lot of past relationships and figured if I could ‘fix’ them or get them to love me by being more soft and compliant, I thought it would somehow repair the internal tumultuous relationship I had with myself/my father growing up. It was becoming detrimental to my mental health and held me back from a lot of opportunities and growth. It was no one’s fault but my own, and I realize that. It was just such a hard cycle to break.
Anyway, after the r*** happened, I developed a resentment/fear of men and have had no interest in dating/sex since then. The reason I mentioned the thankful part in the beginning is that it did kind of force me to be alone and face my insecurities head-on that was clouded by ‘fixing’ others. Again, I’m sorry if any of this is insensitive. I still have a lot of mental work to do to progressively move on without resentment and be at peace with myself. It’s a work in progress and I wish I were better able to articulate what I mean properly.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
Bleh. I have qualms with that phrase. As a teen, I was told to act more feminine and put off certain energy: don’t cuss, wear dresses (but make sure you wear shorts under them because boys will be boys), don’t cry, give the benefit of the doubt, act lady-like and be cooperative.
I don't know what type of energy it is, but I seek to be interesting, mindful, knowledgeable, and just… human.
If we’re being 110% honest, though, a tiny part of me does want to feel stereotypically ‘feminine’ and soft… to feel comfortable being vulnerable without a label. I don’t know.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
It’s not really an interaction per se, but I got the exact copy of Kurt Cobain’s diary entry where he wrote down ‘May women rule the world’ tattooed on my arm. It had/has a profound effect on me, and it means a lot to me.
What is something you want to give up?
I want to stop saying “for now.” It subconsciously keeps me stuck in certain situations and enables change. Change can be a daunting thought. Even if I know the outcome will be positive, I’m still hesitant because everything new comes with new challenges. Why bring on new challenges when I can just go through the ones I’m already accustomed to?
What is something you want to take up?
A sport or activity that is physically exhausting but in a good way. One that will allow me to release a lot of frustration.
Also, I want to do more in-person volunteering/giving back. I just know I’ll cry at the drop of a hat when I see pain in other people's eyes, and I don’t think that’s a good look.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
It’s better to be a jack of all trades than a master of one (that’s probably more of a personal truth).
Also, you will be the bad guy in some people's stories, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I recently learned how to make my own perfect concoction of cold brew coffee at home. It’s saved me a lot of money and has given me a sense of accomplishment.
Also, my 17-year-old niece asked me to send her a couple of Spotify playlists, and that made me feel good and proud for some reason.
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