Age: 33
Relationship Status: Married with two daughters (3.5 and 1.5 years old)
Occupation: In-House Healthcare Attorney
Income: $200,000
Astrological Sign: Sag Sun
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Making time for myself. That could be working out, reading, or just quietly enjoying a cup of coffee or tea.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
Did my kiddos sleep through the night? LOL. But seriously, I’m finally coming out of the sleep deprivation part of parenthood, and it’s unbelievable how much better my mood is when I get a good block of uninterrupted sleep.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
Myself! I’m the oldest daughter, and I was raised to be very independent by my single mother. I did everything for myself and on my own growing up. In my twenties, as I navigated finishing up college, completing law school, and starting my career, I was hyper-independent. I met my husband, who is so gentle and kind, in my mid-twenties, and he is always trying to get me to accept help. Once we started having our family, I realized I couldn’t do it all on my own. I do need help, and I need to accept that others may not do things the way I do. I’m learning to accept help, and it feels so good to lean into that.
When do you question yourself?
When parenting. I did not have the healthiest or most functional parents growing up (I’m estranged from my Dad now because of the abuse). I try to parent very intentionally – mainly, I want my girls to feel my unconditional love. It doesn’t always come as naturally as I wish, but I know I’m always working to be a loving and good mother.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
Honestly, I started treating myself the way I would treat my daughters, my little sister, or my best friend. I think about how I want them to perceive themselves, and I applied that to me. I love them so much, and I owe myself the same.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
I’ve forgiven myself for the ways I acted out while I was confronting the trauma from my childhood. I didn’t treat myself or others very kindly. My trauma explained my behavior, but it was never an excuse. I’m glad that I’ve done the work to heal, but that work is never done.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
I was just telling my therapist about how my lineage is permeated with so much trauma and abuse. I was angry for a long time for having to be the one to break the generational wheel of trauma. But now, I forgive my ancestors for carrying on the trauma. I know many, like my mother and grandmother, were just doing their best to survive.
How do you ground/center yourself?
I like to go outside early in the morning and stand on the grass in my backyard with my face in the sun. I take three deep breaths and feel the sunshine through my eyelids. It feels so good.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Therapy! I’ve been consistently going to therapy since I was 18. It’s the thing I’ve been committed to the longest, and it’s given me the support and outlet to become a person of which I’m proud.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
I feel like the best version of myself now, but it’s funny. I wish I could point to exactly when it happened or how, but it happened very slowly with a lot of therapy and love. And while I feel like the best version of myself, I have so much love for all the versions of who I used to be.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
Limiting a woman’s right to choose. Limiting women’s health care decisions regarding their bodies. I know many will disagree, but that’s my belief.
What is something you know for sure?
Look, I know I know people will disagree but pineapple on pizza is actually good.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
Fight fair and never forget the repair after the fight; it is so important.
Aligning values and principles – this means politically, too.
Humor and joy – let’s enjoy each other and have fun/
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
Right now, with my postpartum body, I’m still working on feeling comfortable in this body that birthed two babies.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
My husband is the most fantastic father. The way he plays with, encourages, and consoles our daughters is healing so much in me. It comes so natural to him.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
My dog of nearly 15 years passed away a couple of months ago. It was devastating. A few days after he passed, I received a sweet paw print frame with pictures of him. It was from a Lawyer Moms group that I’m in on Facebook. These women are nearly strangers and mostly online friends, and they took the time to send me such a sweet gift. Care and love can come from such surprising places!
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
Traveling more in my 20s before kids!!
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Anything that I feel may disturb my peace. I’ve built a very peaceful life after a very chaotic upbringing. I’m no longer allowing dysfunction in my life, even if it’s family.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
I’m a good listener, which can be a curse. And I think, or at least hope, that I come off as a safe person. So, I’ve had lots of people, including strangers, open up to me about difficult things in their lives. I used to carry a lot of their emotions from their stories, but now I can listen, validate, and hold space for them without carrying it myself.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a person who did her best to make the world a better place for her daughters.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
One of my best friends is my little sister, who is 22 and in college – we support each other and love each other in ways we wish our parents did, and it’s been such a balm to our souls to be so close when we are at such vastly different places in our lives.
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