Age: 22
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Trauma PCT, PA student
Income: 32K (& lots of loans)
Astrological Sign: Virgo
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Talking to my family. I seriously could not go a single day without them, even if it’s just a short call. My family keeps me grounded and helps me feel centered. I would define this chapter of my life as an in-between or a transition period so having my family as my rock is something I put significant value on. I appreciate their guidance and each of their unique perspectives on life. The older I get the more I cherish the support system I have within my family, and I am so grateful I have the opportunity to speak with them often.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
My career. It’s hard not to place your worth and happiness on something tangible like your education, but I have dedicated so much time, and have sacrificed so much to get to this point in my life. I finished my undergrad in May and am now in my gap year before officially starting professional school. I find so much joy working in medicine and healthcare, and am excited to advance my career soon. I derive so much happiness from academic validation and how I perform at work, so unfortunately I feel like these two areas are the sole drivers of my happiness as of late.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
Honestly? Alcohol. I gave it up for lent to prove to myself that I could but I found myself craving the euphoria that came with drinking all the time. Even now, a few months post-grad, I find myself wanting a drink after every 12-hour shift. I don’t think it's out of control, but I wish I was less reliant on a substance to decompress or have fun.
When do you question yourself?
All the time. I find myself in new or unfamiliar situations all the time. I pride myself in not settling in relationships or situations that I know will not be fruitful for me. Because of this, I am constantly going through changes in my life, whether it’s new jobs, cities, or goals. I often question myself because I don’t have the same stability, routine, or life plans that a lot of people my age do, but I am proud of myself for not settling. People always say do it alone, but you also have to do it scared. So even though I am secretly scared and a small part of me may be reconsidering my decision about 90% of the time, I always push myself to live life in that 10%. I think that’s where life really begins.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
“Be someone you love first.” I saw this saying when I hit a really low point in my life. I had given so much of myself away to please other people to feel validated or to make them proud to the point I had completely abandoned myself. My self-worth was derived solely from the opinions of others. I felt like a stranger in my own body. Hitting rock bottom made me realize that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes if it promotes self-healing. It is impossible to give your heart to others whenever you are in pieces. Put yourself first, give yourself grace, and dance in the valley lows of your life. Be someone you love first.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
Not telling someone I was in love with them. Our relationship had all the perfect tropes; the invisible string theory, friends to lovers, and a summer fling. We were lying on the floor of his kitchen one July night when he asked me how I felt about our secret relationship. I was paralyzed with fear he didn’t feel the same, so I didn’t tell him how he already held such a big piece of my heart. I was dumb for thinking my actions would trump my inability to tell him I loved him. We had a horrible separation days later. I spent months regretting my cowardness. But I forgive myself, and now know the importance of speaking my mind, even if my voice shakes. I think I’ll always love him, but I’ve come to terms with this. I’ll never not tell someone I love them again.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
I can’t think of one instance in specific, but that is because I try to not hold grudges or resent others for their actions. Looking back, there have been many times in my life when I have been wronged, lied to, or have been the better friend. While these situations suck I don’t think there is any point in being bitter. So I forgive everyone, not because they deserve the grace, but because I deserve the peace.
How do you ground/center yourself?
Disconnecting. Running, listening to music, and being in nature. Sometimes you literally just have to touch grass. Sitting in the sunshine and “photosynthesizing”. Reconnecting with the simple things in life that bring me joy and peace.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Creating a gratitude list in my notes app. I had so much anxiety at the end of undergrad that I could barely leave my bed. Reflecting on my day and finding something positive in the midst of all the heavy emotions gave me so much clarity. I remember one day the only thing I could think of that I was grateful for was that I made pico de gallo. Hitting this sort of rock bottom gave me a mindset that allows me get through some really challenging times by finding the silver linings in my life, as mundane as they may seem.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
When I was a camp leader/ chairperson. It sounds so silly to say, but being a leader for my counselors and campers over a summer instilled a purpose within me that was previously incomprehensible. The work was tedious, time-consuming, and challenging, but I saw how every single ounce of myself that I gave nurtured the development of numerous other individuals. They became my family, and we supported each other so well. I’ve never felt more like myself and loved for who I truly was than at that camp.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
Prejudice. I think the human experience is so unique and beautiful and complex and something that we all share. I genuinely do not understand how people will let things like money, status, and especially race separate them from others. It’s amazing how we are sharing a rock floating through space together living similar but different stories, and people have the capacity to carry so much hatred for others just because they are different.
What is something you know for sure?
That I am exactly where I am supposed to be. If I was meant to be anywhere else I would be there. I know I am lucky that I have such a strong discernment and calling to medicine, and that I am not settling in my career choice. I am religious, and I have prayed for many years that I lead down a path where I can be an instrument of peace, healing, and unity. I have found this every single shift in working in healthcare, and I am so blessed to know this is my purpose. I know this is where god wants me, and the peace that comes with this is incomprehensible.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
I am VERY single & don’t have much room to be picky haha. But I made a list of standards for my (hopefully) future boyfriend a few years back! Here are my top 3
Must take initiative early, and maintain this stamina throughout the relationship.
Has to have an adventurous spirit and be willing to do crazy things with me like skydive & hike mt. Everest.
Won’t call me crazy.
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
I cannot remember the last time I have felt comfortable in my own skin. I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. I have Hashimotos so my weight fluctuates as much as 10 pounds every week. I can never gauge how I really look and how I am perceived, and I hate it. As sad as it sounds, I felt most comfortable in my skin when I was undereating and extremely thin, which was about 3 years ago, before my diagnosis.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
Zion National Park. I genuinely do not have words to describe the beauty contained within that park. The place is absolutely magical and otherworldly. I was also in awe because I crossed paths with someone who was very important to me (completely unplanned) at the top of angel’s landing; an incredibly difficult and dangerous hike that requires a permit. The whole trip was just so surreal, and I still nostalgically reflect on its magic.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
A Comfy - a cross between a blanket and hoodie. I texted my dad during a stressful and lonely period when I had moved out during covid, mentioning how I got an ad for this product and how I thought it would be nice to wear while studying. Next time I saw him he had the exact color and style I had jokingly mentioned. I wear it every single day. It is the first thing I put on every single morning, even 4 years later. I never knew how much love a piece of fabric could hold.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
Going out more. Living life recklessly with my friends when I was still young and dumb and stupid and had the opportunity to while we all lived in the same city. I had my fair share of fun, but I wish I let loose and spent so much more time making memories with my friends. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect all the time that I isolated myself. I wish I had known everything was going to work out; that I didn’t need to spend so much time worrying about the future and instead enjoy where my feet were at.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
One-night stands. I had my fair share of them. At the time it was fun and exhilarating and a way to feel connected with someone. But now I know my worth is more than my body, and that I deserve someone who will commit to me sober and longer than one night.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
My personality. I was never the conventionally attractive girl growing up, so I developed a strong sense of humor, wit, and determination at an early age. I think I’m funny, energetic, outgoing, and can form a connection with anyone. In my generation where everyone is encapsulated with superficial personas and trendy lifestyles, I think I stand out. That is something I love about myself. My bold uniqueness.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
A friend. A daughter, sister, mother. A singer and dancer. Someone who has traveled the world. Drives with the music up and the windows down. An explorer. An empath. A cat mom. A PA, a healer. A cook - especially for my friends and family. A marathon finisher, an Everest summiter. Someone who loves hard and well, and not just others, but the entire world around her. I don’t know, I can’t pick just one thing. I’m still growing up every day and still have so many lessons to learn, life to experience, and dreams to conjure. Why limit myself to just one title??
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Love is everywhere. Look up.
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