#308. chemotherapy, quiet confidence & quality time spent with loved ones

Age: 34

Relationship Status: Long-term Relationship/ No Children

Occupation: Corporate Director

Income: $77,000

Astrological Sign: Virgo (very Virgo!)

How are you, really?

Honestly, it has been very up & down as I discover the road to recovery is never linear. Eighteen months ago, I was living my dream life. I spent my 20s travelling the world, nurturing my friendships and building a career. Then, in my 30s, I got a big promotion, bought my own home, and unexpectedly fell in love. I was so grateful every day for my amazing life. Then, out of nowhere, I found a lump in my breast that turned out to be an aggressive cancer. It was a complete shock as I was fit and healthy, had no family history of cancer, and a genetic test showed no mutations. I was thrown into survival mode as I underwent fertility preservation, 6 months of chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and then more chemo – it was horrific. I watched my hair, lashes, and eyebrows fall out and my world come to a standstill. I was very well supported by my partner, parents, and friends, but it was a devastating experience. I am now in remission and trying to rebuild my life. Some days are harder than others, but I am still so grateful for all I have.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

Reemerging into society! After being essentially housebound during an illness, socializing, going to the gym, taking part in events etc. feels great but also kind of alien.

What is something you hope never changes?

My strong relationships with my parents and close friends. I adore my partner, but the relationships outside of my romantic relationship also give me such a sense of stability, security, and love.

When do you feel most capable?

When it’s Sunday evening, the house is clean, the fridge is stocked, and I’ve properly rested and spent time with people I love over the weekend. I feel recharged and ready to take on the week ahead.

How do you nurture yourself?

By listening to my body – some weeks I can do it all, other weeks I have to rest. I am also incorporating new holistic practices and therapies to try and heal my mind, body, and spirit after such a traumatic year.

How do you nurture others?

By actively listening and trying to show up for people how they need me to during difficult times without judgment.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

Not recently – as I’ve matured, I always tell people how I feel and speak my mind.

What is something that turns you on?

Good manners, nice teeth, and someone who is quietly confident and has a strong sense of who they are.

What is something that turns you off?

Smoking and men who want you to do everything for them/be their mother or who are super-conservative and want to limit women’s rights and freedoms.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

I ended a long-term friendship, which was huge for me as I highly value longevity in friendships. The friendship had become very one-sided. She was volatile, and I’d have to look after her all the time, but I knew I couldn’t count on her to do the same for me. I tried my best to be supportive, but it was relentless and draining. Things came to a head when I voiced my concerns (when asked) about her latest very toxic boyfriend. At the time, she was grateful and thanked me for being honest, but a few days later, she texted me pages of abuse about how I was horrible and trying to control her life. After 10 years of this type of behavior, I knew it was time to let go. I wondered if she’d reach out when she heard I’d gotten ill, but she didn’t, and I was glad (and not surprised).

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

In relationships, often, in the daily demands of life (work, exercise, eating well, resting, managing the household) not so much.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

After a few horrible relationships in my early 20s, I happily stepped back from dating and was honestly thriving. Then, I ended up going on a date with my now partner, and what was supposed to be a 30-minute coffee date turned into a whole evening of laughing and great conversation. It felt risky to pursue a relationship as I wanted to protect the peace I’d created in my life, but we fell in love, he’s made for me, and he’s stood by me through my cancer treatment – quite the reward!

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

When I’m running late or when I take on too much, unfortunately, despite my best efforts, both of these scenarios are a regular occurrence!

How do you move forward?

By just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make the best of every day.

What is something that will always make you laugh?

My friends and the same silly inside jokes we’ve been laughing at for 15 years.

What is something that will always make you cry?

When I look back on my active cancer treatment, although I am in awe of her, my heart breaks for the version of me who had to endure that time. Also, when elderly people are lonely. I volunteer with the elderly, and I wish more people took the time to form connections with older people, as it is very rewarding.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes. I had a messy situationship with an awful guy in college. I really thought I was in love with him, and we were friends for a long time, so I trusted him. Soon after we finally got together, he began cheating with another girl in my broader friendship group, and I was the last to know. I found out in a pretty horrible way, and I was crushed and humiliated. I felt betrayed by them and by some members of the wider friendship group who knew about it but didn’t tell me. Mostly, I felt betrayed by myself for accepting such bad treatment and ignoring the red flags. It impacted my confidence and self-esteem for a long time afterward.

What is your greatest temptation?

Travelling! I spend most of my money on exploring the world, and I’m often tempted to pack everything in and just travel the world for a year.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

A dog! And I look forward to getting one next year.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Quality time with my parents & friends, snuggles in bed on rainy Sunday mornings with my partner, and music. I constantly listen to music and genuinely think I couldn’t function without it. When I was bedbound during chemo and felt I couldn’t do anything, I could still explore and find new artists and music, which was a lifeline.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

You’re stronger and more capable than you ever thought possible, and this strength will reveal itself to you when you need it most. Also, many of the best times in your life are yet to come, and you have yet to meet so many people who are going to love you!